First Love

I used to roll my eyes at couples in the hallway. I used to see love as more of a myth than a reality. I used to think that heartbreak couldn’t be nearly as bad as people made it out to be. I used to think they were just overreacting. I used to see so much differently. Now? Now I know I was wrong. Now I know how much love can affect a person. And if you don’t believe me, then you’ve never been in love.

He had been in my class all year, yet I had never really noticed him. I had talked to him a few times but never ¬†thought anything of it. But then he asked me out. I was surprised and flattered. He wasn’t the first guy that I dated, but he was definitely the first one I loved. I had never expected to fall in love with him and even when I did I tried to deny it. I worried that I would just end up heartbroken. It wasn’t until we broke up that I finally accepted my feelings. It just made it that much harder since he did not seem to love me back. He may have never even felt that way about me. I cried for days and spent the holidays depressed. I thought I’d never get over feeling sad and alone. He was my boyfriend, my best friend, my first love, the one person I felt I could be myself around. He was the person I could talk about anything with, the person I trusted, the boy I thought I may be with for life. Anyone who has ever been in love knows how I felt. I had never expected him to break things off. Then he started to turn cold towards me. He would not tell me why. He wouldn’t even look at me, let alone talk to me. He was the one who had always been adamant about staying friends if we ever broke up and yet he was the one to turn cold.

It’s been over two months and I still don’t know what happened, but I’m doing better. I had a rough night a couple weeks ago. I hadn’t eaten that day and cried all evening after school. It made me physically sick. I woke up twice that night to throw up. Since then I’ve made myself eat and I’ve stopped crying. I’ve started spending more time with my friends and family to keep my mind off of it.

Seeing him at school is hard. He still won’t even look at me. But I’m getting through it. And I am stronger because of it.